I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
