there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
