Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
