Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Boobs speak an international language.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
