Moan for me like Helen Keller
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
