too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
