matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
