508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
