Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
