TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
