Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
