Dual....:-)
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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