You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
