im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
