hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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