At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
