Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
