talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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