I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
