Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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