Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
