Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
