the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
