Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
