I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
