At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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