i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
