dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
