Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
