You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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