I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
