the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
