im drinking this country out of the recession.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
