Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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