i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
