I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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