Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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