Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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