More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
