good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
