He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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