But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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