you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
