What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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