Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
