why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You may now shotgun with the bride
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
