So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
