I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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