Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
