I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
