It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
