if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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