Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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