I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
