i was rollin on her like bob the builder
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
