He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
