these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
